If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
