I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
