but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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