her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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