We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
