I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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