and you said cock pushups were impossible
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
