Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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