new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
