Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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