Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize