Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
