So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
