Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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