Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
