If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
