No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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