put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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