just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
