Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
