I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
