It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
