2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
