Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
