physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
