I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
babies were throwing up all over the place
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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