I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
