That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
