Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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