you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
