the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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