Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
