if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
