do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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