I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
