haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
