I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
