Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
