You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
