everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
