I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
