Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
