Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
