I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
