let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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