I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
