:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
