Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
