found the other keg... it's in the tree
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
