just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize