Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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