Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
