OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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