My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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