you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
