Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My vagina is officially offended.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
