What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I need moral support for this bender
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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