somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
