I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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