Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
