ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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