Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
did i just pee glitter
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
