is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
