Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize