i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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