where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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