So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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