I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
