So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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