***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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