Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.

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(954): View more from Florida

I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"

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(513): View more from Ohio

i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.

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(313): View more from Michigan

I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.

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(443): View more from Maryland

also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs

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(575): View more from New Mexico

I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.

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