She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dignity is for republicans.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
