Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
