Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
