doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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