i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize