just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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